A video by Me

Conflicted....

I want to feel happy today because I weighed myself and I am down 2.6 lbs. So that's only 5.2 lbs left to go in 21 days!!!!

BUT today I got AF. Yay. So now we're going on cycle 21 of TTC. We're at 7 months of waiting on the fertility clinic and still no call.

Plus it's snowing today like crazy.

So I guess all in all a pretty shit day.

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Progress...

I lost another 2 lbs since last week!!! Only 7.8 lbs left to go in 28 days!!!!

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60 Day Sizzlin Summer Slimdown Challenge

So I'm doing this challenge at my gym. Everyone does a fitness assessment at the beginning, and gets weight and measurements done and before pics taken. Then after 60 days we do another fitness assessment, more measurements and pics, and they look at our progress. There is a prize of $500 to the winner!!! And runner up prizes of $200 I think. I'm determined to win something.

So for the fitness assessment I had to do strength exercises and cardio. Here are the exercises plus my results:

STRENGTH
MAX pushups: 0 (I suck, I know. lol)
MAX situps: 12 (ok that's better than 0)
Plank (that's where you rest on your arms with your elbows bent 90degrees and your feet stretched back together. You hold yourself up using your abs): 35 seconds

CARDIO (all done one after the other and timed)
5 burpees (that's where you jump up with your hands in the air, then drop down to your hands and feet like you're going to do a pushup)
5 suicide sprints (that's running across the room and touching the floor with one hand. That counts as one. You just run back and forth across the room)
20 speed skaters (that's where you have your left hand in the air, while bending down and touching your left foot with your right hand, while crossing your right foot behind the left foot. I know it sounds confusing. lol)
5 side shuffles (that's where you go into squat position and shuffle sideways across the room. It's the same distance as the sprints. Going across the room counts as one)
40 jumping jacks (self-explanatory)
frog hops across the room (basically how it sounds. You sort of squat with your hands touching the floor in front of you and hop across the room)
20 pile jacks (that's where you jump down to squating position while putting your arms out straight forward together, then jump back to standing position with your hands at your sides.)
I did all that in 6.5 minutes.

I am friggin dead now. I finished at about 8:15 am. It's 3:45pm and my chest still hurts. I am definitely out of shape.

So let's see how much I improve after 60 days!!!

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Weight loss progress

So I lost 2.2 lbs since last week!!!!! YAY! I'm back on track!!! Only 9.8 lbs to go in 35 days to reach my goal!

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Baby Showers=not fun :(

So I went to a good friend's baby shower today. There were 3 baby's there and 4 toddlers. It was really hard to sit there and watch them playing and the mothers fawning over them.

And on top of that, I keep finding out that people I know are pregnant. So far, in January I found out that 2 women I know are pregnant. Then in February, another one. And this month, 3! One of them I found out about today.

So all in all, today was a fantastic day.

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New goal

My weight loss from last week to this week was ZERO. Lame.
So I didn't lose 12 lbs by March 24th. Poo poo on that.
Now I'm making a new goal.
I WILL lose 12 lbs by May 5th.

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Being Positive

So I was supposed to update my weight loss progress on Thursday but I've been really busy. So here it is. From March 10th to March 17th, I lost 2.4 lbs. YAY! So that puts me at 1.2 total lbs lost since February 24th. I haven't weighed myself since Thursday, but I seriously doubt I will have lost 10.8 lbs by tomorrow. Oh well. On to a new goal.
Starting last Friday, I've been going to a fitness bootcamp. I've went 3 times already. So that'll be a good help in reaching my goals.
Also, my friend and I have started a fun coed basketball team. The games will be starting middle of April and we've already begun practicing once a week, so that'll be good too.

So since I haven't posted anything about being PG, it's safe to assume I'm not. :(
I was really down at first but I'm trying to be positive to working on this next cycle.
And hopefully I will get the call from the Fertility Clinic soon.

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Things are looking up

I got a new job!!! I was so down on Friday because I found out I didn't get a job I really want. I was really pessimistic and felt like giving up on job hunting. Then the next day I snapped out if it and started looking elsewhere. On Sunday, my mom's friend suggested a job for me to apply to. So I went in yesterday to hand in my resume and after I left the called me to schedule an interview for today. I went in for the interview and got hired right away!!!! It's only part-time but pays $1.25 more per hr than my current part-time job, so that's good. So for the time being, I will work both part-time jobs until something else comes along, or if I get more hrs at the new job!

Also, I'm an Independent Consultant for a company, which means I have my own home business where I do sales. I never really worked very hard at it so I've never really made any money from it. Just recently I started showing more interest in it. Today I made a plan to move forward with it and apparently I could be making $3000/month with it if I just actually tried. So there's that.

On another note, I'm trying to be really positive while in my 2WW right now. I started getting shooting cramps in the left side, probably near my left ovary, at 4dpo. That pain alternated with a dull cramp in the top of my pelvic area, just below my tummy. Also starting at 4dpo was the lower back pain. I've been having all of this off and on since 4dpo and I'm at 8dpo right now. I'm trying not to get my hopes up too high that I'm pg, but it's really hard. My LP is anywhere from 10-12 days so I guess I will find out somewhere between Friday and Sunday. Maybe everything will be looking up this week!!!!! *fingers crossed*
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Set back

I am really effing disappointed in myself. Instead of losing weight this week, I gained 3 lbs! I really need to step it up. I am seriously mad at myself. So I guess now I have 13.2 lbs to lose. :(

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Weight Loss Progress

So I totally forgot to post on Thursday, but I did weigh myself that day. So from Feb. 24 to Mar. 3, I lost 1.8 lbs. So 1.2 lbs less than I had wanted to lose in 1 week, but still progress nonetheless. We'll see how I do this week.

10.2 lbs to go in 18 days!

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Weight Goal

So I made a goal for myself to lose 12 pounds in 4 weeks. I started on February 24th, and I will weigh myself every week to track my progress. So I will post an update this Thursday.

I WILL lose 12 pounds by March 24th!

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Trying to be positive....

...but everywhere I go there are pregnant women, and women with babies and little kids, and facebook friends posting ultrasound pics, and belly pics, etc. It all gets a little overwhelming sometimes. I'm currently on CD6 right now, and I hate it. I hate waiting for my fertile days. And I can ovulate anywhere between CD14 and CD21, so it's really frustrating. It's hard to not think about TTC during these days.

Also, today I decided it would be a good idea to get exercise by running up and down my stairs. I realized just how out of shape I am, and it made me feel like crap. I seriously could only do it for like 30 seconds and then I was tired.

On a positive note, I have a promising lead on a new job, which makes me very happy! AND, I'm getting my hair cut today! YAY!

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11dpo (well technically 12dpo)

This is driving me nuts!!!!!! If you read my previous post, you would know of my symptoms. Well as of right now, I have horrible heartburn and my boobs hurt even more. ARG!
And I told myself I wouldn't POAS this time. I would wait to miss AF, and IF that happened, then and only then would I test. Well SURPRISE! I couldn't wait. So I tested approx. 30 min ago, and lucky me BFFN!!!!
So now I'm going to to go bed.
The sooner I go to sleep, the sooner I will wake up and discover AF, so I don't have to suffer with the waiting anymore.
Argity arg arg

101 Things in 1001 Days

So I took this idea from a couple of other people. I started my list on the Day Zero website. It is a list of 101 things I am trying to accomplish in 1001 days. So here it is:

1. Buy a new car
2. Clean out all of the closets in my house
3. Learn Portuguese
4. Make a retirement plan
5. Take a photo of the same place every month for year and then turn it into a calendar for the next year
6. Donate blood
7. Write a letter to myself to open in 10 years
8. Get a tattoo
9. Watch 26 movies I've never seen starting with each letter of the Alphabet (A, P)
10. Comment on 50 random blogs
11. No fast food for a month
12. Go horseback riding
13. Have a baby
14. Read 100 books
15. Do some volunteer work
16. Get a passport
17. Go to Las Vegas
18. Sing karaoke at a bar
19. Stop biting my nails
20. Visit the Grand Canyon
21. Graduate College
22. Lose 70 lbs
23. Take a photo of myself every week for a year
24. Go to a Roller Derby
25. Document one month of my life in photographs
26. Go to bed every night before midnight for an entire month
27. Take a road trip with friends
28. Buy a good camera
29. Cut my debt by 1/3.
30. Host a cookie exchange
31. Try at least one new recipe a month
32. Grow a vegetable garden
33. Read the Bible cover to cover
34. Write a love letter to my husband
35. Watch every James Bond film
36. Give up pop for 3 months
37. Host a themed costume party
38. Get a new job
39. Write a poem
40. Pay off my credit cards
41. Have fruit for breakfast everyday for a week
42. Buy a pair of heels
43. Listen to 26 songs I've never listened to starting with each letter of the alphabet
44. Learn how to say "I love you" in 25 different languages
45. Go to a psychic
46. Start collecting something
47. Do 5 random acts of kindness
48. Have at least $5000 in savings
49. Eat 3 things I've never tried before
50. Finish a 500+ piece jigsaw
51. Decorate my bedroom
52. Get First Aid and CPR certified
53. Travel out of the country to somewhere other than the US
54. Learn to say thank you in 10 languages
55. Make a list of 101 things that make me happy
56. Do a walk for a cause
57. Influence a person to make a Day Zero list
58. Write a song about someone and sing it to them
59. Have a dinner by candle light
60. Send flowers to someone
61. Go to Portugal
62. Eliminate non-fitting clothing from my wardrobe
63. Get a new dog
64. Get a new pet other than dog or cat
65. Make at least $1000/month with Mary Kay
66. Eat at 10 new restaurants
67. Go through all boxes that are still not unpacked
68. Have a garage sale
69. Get Killer spayed
70. Change address on EVERYTHING
71. Change last name on EVERYTHING
72. Put new flooring in living room
73. Buy new bedroom furniture
74. Buy new living room furniture
75. Organize kitchen cupboards and drawers
76. Build deck and patio
77. Donate clothes I haven't worn in 2 years
78. Save $5 for every task I complete
79. Watch all of IMDB'S Top 250 Movies
80. Make a wish at 11:11 on 11/11/11
81. Go to an Infertility Support group
82. Decorate the whole house
83. Get acupuncture
84. Call my grandparents at least 30 times
85. Go on at least 140 dates with my husband (1/140)
86. Hang out with friends at least 70 times (5/70)
87. Do 30 min of exercise at least 140 times (11/140)
88. Take Killer for a walk at least 140 times (1/140)
89. Write a new blog entry at least 140 times (8/140)
90. Catch up with my sisters at least 30 times (2/30)
91. Go to bed before 2am at least 280 times (9/280)
92. Wake up before 9am at least 280 times (7/280)
93. Eat breakfast, lunch, and dinner all in one day at least 280 times (2/280)
94. Cook supper at least 280 times (1/280)
95. Make breakfast in bed for my Husband
96. Plan a romantic surprise for my Husband
97. Make breakfast for my husband and I at least 70 times
98. Make a youtube video of me singing
99. Keep house clean for a whole month
100. Cook dinner for Mom
101. Cook dinner for inlaws

Let's see how much I can accomplish.

Finished
Partially Finished (?/?)
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Symptom Checker

Ok so I'm at 11 dpo and my luteal phase is usually 10 or 11 days. This is where we're at:
Nausea? Check.
Sore boobs? Check.
Tired? Check.
Pregnant? Probably not.
Why? Check symptoms below.

Cramps? Check.
Moodiness? Check.
Drop in temp? Check.

So I'm pretty sure this cycle was a bust. :(

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Freaking, stressing, psyching, etc. myself out

I'm  at 9 dpo right now (well technically 10 dpo, if you consider the fact that it's 1:15am right now) and I'm trying not to get my hopes up, but it's hard since I have this nausea and some other "symptoms" right now.

And I'm trying not to freak myself out because I happened to come upon a list of symptoms for Endometriosis and many of them I have. It's making me paranoid. And the only way to fully diagnose it is with a laparoscopy. Eep! So here's a list of the 13 out of 22 symptoms that I do have: (a little TMI, sorry)

1) period pain- anywhere from mild-to severe, but I always get it

2)heavy periods- probably get this about 70-75% of the time

3)pain during or after intercourse- this happens probably 50% of the time

4)pelvic pain between periods- this happens pretty much every month, for a couple days here and there

5)intestinal pain- happens quite often

6)lower back pain- i have this pretty much constant every day

7)leg pain- usually i get this one day a week at least

8)infertility- obviously

9)abdominal bloating- all the time

10-13) some digestive problems that will probably gross you out


All the digestive symptoms I thought were due to my supposed IBS, but what if it's something else?
EEEEEEP

So basically just stressed out and waiting.

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This video made me cry

I came across this video randomly, and when I watched it I was bawling my eyes out, but then the end is empowering. I hope more people watch this because it is great!

What IF? Video


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Onward Testicles

Wow, I haven't written a post in awhile.

My DH and I were talking the other night and for some reason I said the word testicles. But I pronounced it testicleez. It sounds like a Greek god or something. Like Testicles is the god of sperm or balls or something, and he is one of Zeus's sons. Zeus says "Come hither young Testicles" (actually DH said that part). What would be his powers? I don't even wanna know....

I think I might be diseased/crazy/broken, or maybe just a hypochondriac

I swear everyday something new is wrong with me. The other day I was thinking about how crazy I am and can't concentrate on what I want to concentrate on, but can't seem to stop concentrating on things that don't matter. Also, the fact that I have absolutely no stress-handling skills whatsoever. Also, the fact that I have mild insomnia. And all of this is at the ripe old age of 22 (almost 23).

So I came to the conclusion that I am crazy and I went on a medical website and did an ADHD screening test. It said that if you scored over 70 it was likely you had it. I got 79. Yay me! But it also said that it doesn't mean I have it, I could possibly have a manic disorder or an anxiety disorder instead. Also awesome.

So there's that.

And also the fact that I swear I have arthritis. Everytime the temperature changes and gets either warmer or colder, all of my joints hurt. Elbows, jaw, hips, knees, ankles, toe joints, and sometimes even my wrists. This also happens if I do any activity. So either it's arthritis or I don't drink enough milk. Who knows.

I also have thoughts on and off that I have fibromyalgia (correct spelling?).

All because I'm just cool like that.

The Perfect Words

This blogger just took the words right out of my mouth. Well, pretty much.

Top 10 Things Not To Say To Someone Experiencing Infertility

Yep.

Frustration (Sorry. Being that it's 2:40am, it's a little difficult to concentrate and come up with a better title)

So for the past few days I have been having "symptoms". I am just going to tell you right off the bat that what follows might be TMI for most people. Just a warning.

Some back info: I have IBS (Irritable Bowel Syndrome [or so that's what the doctors "diagnosed" me with after testing and not finding anything else wrong with me]), which causes every known symptom under the sun. Well, maybe not that extreme, but pretty close. I get headaches, heartburn, nausea, vomitting, indigestion, bloating, gas, constipation, diarrhea, dull chest pains, and don't forget the stomach aches.
The stomach aches come in different forms. Sometimes, they're just mild cramps in the pelvic area or abdominal area.
Sometimes, it feels like acid is eating away at my intestines and stomach and will eventually eat thrugh to my skin and spill out all over the floor.
Sometimes, it feels like someone is stabbing me repeatedly all over my abdomen.
Many times when I get these stomach aches, the pain is so unbearable that all I can do is curl up in a ball and cry wishing I would die, because then at least I wouldn't have to feel the pain anymore.
But more often than not, the stomach aches are just mild, and more annoying than painful.

That is what I have been feeling like for the past few days. The problem is that the pain I've been having is in the pelvic region, and could be one or a combination of 3 things: 1) just an IBS flare up caused by the crappy food I have been eating lately and/or stress
2) PMS cramps because it's almost that time
3) some sort of implantion or other pregnancy related cramps *fingers crossed*

Plus, (and TMI again) my boobs have been hurting, which could also either be PMS or pregnancy related.

Hence the frustration.

My husband and I are "unnatural"

So I've recently been watching youtube videos and reading the comments discussing homosexuality and why some people think it's wrong, outside of supposed Christian reasons.
According to a lot of people who are against homosexuality, it is wrong because it is unnatural, because two people of the same sex cannot reproduce.
So I guess that means that my husband and I are unnatural and just as "wrong" as homosexuals because we can't reproduce. And same goes for any other heterosexual couples with infertility.
I wonder if these people against homosexuality think about that when they try to come up with reasons out of thin air.

Trying to be hopeful without gettting my hopes up

Is that called being cautiously optimistic? Well, DH and I worked really hard on the TTC this cycle (we've kind of been slacking lately). So, naturally when it's about this time and I start getting "symptoms", my brain goes right to thinking I'm pregnant. But, yay, lucky for me, and every other woman TTC, early pregnancy symptoms are exactly the same as PMS symptoms. All of them can occur in either, sometimes or not at all. (Did that sentence make sense?) I won't get into the details of my symptoms because that's probably TMI.

So right now I'm trying to fight the hopefulness of being pregnant because that always leads to misery. (But my fingers are crossed...)

Great Ideas+Bad Memory=Horrible Blog Entries

So I've discovered that I have many ingenious, intelligent, hilarious, witty, and/or profound ideas/thoughts throughout the day, but damn it if I can actually remember anything that pops into my brain. That is why I decided I need to invest in a good journal (equipped with attached pen, or else I would most likely never be able to actually locate a pen to write said thoughts down, thus defeating the entire purpose of buying the journal) to write these little brain babies down (Bahaha! Brain babies. Who says that?). So since I can't remember any of the actually good stuff I had to write here today, I leave you with this.

Alberta winter = boots

So because I live in Alberta, Canada, it is necessary for me to wear my Ugg-style boots to work most days. Today I saw the temperature was supposed to be a high of 0 degrees Celsius. Whoopee! That's DAMN warm for January! So what do I do? I decide it's a good idea to wear my flats (with no socks) to work today. Well, on my way to work at around 12:30pm, the radio gives me a lovely announcement: there is a heavy snowfall warning for today, and it should start around 5pm. That's awesome since I am working until 9pm tonight so there should be a lovely amount of snow when I go outside. Of course, when I went out to my car just after 9, I am met with a great present. I didn't even have time to brush the snow off my car before my feet froze off. Just a lesson to myself not to wear flats in the winter time in Alberta. You'd think I would have learned this by now seeing as I've lived my whole life here.

I try to be clever, but it always ends up sounding lame...

I thought I would start up a blog. About my TTC and my life in general, I guess. Apparently, I think my life is interesting enough that other people might possibly read it. So, since I decided this, I somehow was under the impression that I would all of a sudden become this clever witty person who would post clever and witty anecdotes and whatnot on my blog. But as it seems, this is all I could come up with for my very first blog post ever. Oh well. Please try not to be too disappointed.